I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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