from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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