There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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