"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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