i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
