dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
