this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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