And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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