hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
