Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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