my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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