I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
