the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
