His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
