Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
