Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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