My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she peed on how many people?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
