Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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