Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
