My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the day after is always just damage control
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
