wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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