I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How's work?
Spinning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
