i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
