After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
