Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
