I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
