you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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