Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
