rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
