it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
