i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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