3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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