Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
