I am puke
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I touched a dick in church today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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