rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
