Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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