if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
