were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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