May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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