By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
