I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Randomize
