you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My vagina is very pro this idea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Shame - the story of my life.
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