The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
