ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
