Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
