69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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