I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
