Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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