If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
