allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize