I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize