what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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