So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
