He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
