I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize