Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
