i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
