fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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