Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
