Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize