i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
