Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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