i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
