my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
