Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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