Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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