Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
