i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
