how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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