Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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