Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
