It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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