Soap is not a condiment
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize