New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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