yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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