My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
