The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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