Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
