Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
