As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I looked at my own cervix.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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