im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
