i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you would pick up someone in the library
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
