dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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