I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
