have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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