I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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