are you still at the devil's house?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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