Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
