i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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