Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
