one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
