some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize