How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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