I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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