Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
