It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
