now i know why i became what i already was.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
