New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
