She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
