booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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