morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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